Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Tonight's defeat


Tonight, I found myself looking at the time continuously with an anxiousness to hear from a special someone, but time kept on going by, and before I knew it, it was 10pm and I found my excitement to hear from this special individual turning to sadness.

I fell into the trap of assumption and built up a situation that was not cemented in stone to happen. When I finally heard from this special person, I was in such a bummed out mood from my emotionally hectic day, that I had nothing to say to this person, yet with all their positive words to say and excitement from their evening, I still remain in the trap of assumption that they would come visit me, and instead of asking them if they were still going to come by and see me, I allowed frustration to creep in, and I actually found myself angry that they hadn't mentioned that they were coming.

Finally, as I got to the end of my anger in this situation I found my negativity taking me into, this special person said 'I want to see you,' and instead of being excited and jumping on the moment to see this person, I said it was already late, and they would get to sleep too late.

My assumption won over my excitement tonight, and when I heard this special person say 'even if it's for 10 mins it'll be enough for me' I actually got angry at such words by seeing them in a negative light.

I once more took on the assumption that their words to me actually were saying 'I only have 10 minutes to spare on you,' instead of taking it as "Wow, they are tired and hungry and choose to spend some time with me instead of worrying about how late it was."

I'm upset with myself for allowing the negative to win over the positive in me. After a trying day emotionally, I ended my night by setting an expectation on someone which should have not taken place.

I pray, I never set an expectation again, and when I get to spend time with this individual, I will soak it up, and enjoy each minute allowed as the blessing it is.

I am not perfect, and I have many areas of my life that need polishing still, and I'm sure I will not have all the perfect words, and I won't be in the greatest of moods all the time, but I will continue to take those steps forward, and lean on God to school me on the areas of weakness I still have in my life.

Thank you Lord for allowing the oppurtunity to reflect, and accept my weakness, as when I'm weak you are strong.

Till next time, I look to God to light the way.

God bless.

Signature from Flavio's iPhone:

Psalm 27:4-5 (my prayer)

The one thing I ask of the Lord—the thing I seek most—is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, delighting in the Lord's perfections and meditating in his Temple. For he will conceal me there when troubles come; he will hide me in his sanctuary. He will place me out of reach on a high rock.

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