June 5, 2010

[Written on June 5, 2010 at 10:18am]

Today as I await my mother, and my twin to reach my home, I sit in my kitchen listening to praise music on my iPhone. The song:"At your feet," by Casting Crowns. I am reading from my two daily devotionals "Jesus Calling" by (Sarah Young), and "Your Best Life now: Begin each morning" by (Joel Osteen), and today the Word spoke on healing words, and seeking after God's perfection. Not in our understanding of perfection in each other, but in God's understanding of perfection for us.

[As I ponder the beginning, I write this]
I have been a part of such idol build up in my life (idol: anything you choose to worship/seek after i.e. such as money, clothes, cars, a career, a person, an image of yourself other than what God gave you), and as I didn't know the greatest love of my life, that was already existing in me, I sought to find it in the opposite sex (a person), and wouldn't you know it! I did not find it in them. Amazing, huh?

Then I went onto looking for it in materialism, and once again, I didn't find it. That's weird, isn't it? So I thought 'maybe I would climb the "corporate ladder" at my place of work,' and through hard work; dedication; and a friendly attitude towards those who held titles to what I thought would be exactly what I wanted, I would gain the filling to the gap I felt in me. Little to my dismay, I would be sadly mistaken, and my joy, efforts and accomplishments in this company would be in vain.

Therefore, three years passing were just around the corner, and working at this company I went from being at peace and joy, to quite the opposite. Then an awakening happened. I was made aware, that my life was too difficult, my marriage was over, and (anger, frustration, and disgust) for everything remained only.

When I found myself no longer living with my wife, and back in my mother's house (in her room), where I spent much time contemplating my existence, my failures, and crying over my failed marriage, and attempts at a "normal life," this is where a divine intervention stepped in, and took place. On that faithful night (July 3rd 2009), I found myself crying and frustrated at the edge of the bed I slept on, I broke down and asked the Lord (back) into my life, and I asked for Him to heal me.

I pleaded for His forgiveness, and to show me the way. From night (that night) to day, he entered into me, and almost a year later to date, here we are. Here I Am!

All Praise! be to my Father, our God for EVER!
Amen!